Manager Story 1

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who cried in their car before work.

But there I was. Monday morning, 8:12 AM. Parked in the corner of the lot, engine off, hands on the steering wheel like I was bracing for impact. Not from the job—I love what I do. I really do. I get to solve problems, build systems, mentor newer hires. I’ve worked hard to be good at it.

But it’s not the work that wears me down.

It’s her.

My manager, Elaine, is what HR calls “values-driven.” She talks a lot about culture. About transparency, empathy, equity. In team meetings, she quotes Brené Brown like scripture and preaches the gospel of psychological safety. She even once had us all take a half-day workshop on communication styles.

But here’s the thing: none of it is real. Or at least, not when it matters.

Elaine says she believes in work-life balance, but my inbox lights up at 10:46 PM with her “quick questions.” If I don’t respond by morning, I get a passive-aggressive “just checking in?” email by 7:00 AM. She says she values inclusion, but every big project goes to her two favorite analysts—guys who went to her alma mater and laugh at all her jokes. She says she wants feedback, but the one time I gently brought up a recurring issue, she stopped inviting me to planning meetings for a month.

So yeah—she says the right things. But her actions?

They tell a very different story.

Last week was my tipping point. One of the newer team members, Denise, got reprimanded for asking to leave early to pick up her kid. Two weeks before that, her favorite—Matt—left at 3:30 to “catch a concert” and got a “have fun!!” reply in the Slack thread. When Denise asked why the rules were different, Elaine just said, “Every situation is unique.”

Right. Unique. That’s her code for “I’ll do what I want.”

I feel like I’m living in a hall of mirrors—where nothing reflects back the truth. The policies are enforced randomly. The “safe space” isn’t safe unless you’re flattering her. And the values? They’re just wallpaper. Pretty, but paper-thin.

I used to be enthusiastic. Engaged. One of those "go the extra mile" people. Now? I do my work, I hit my deadlines, and I keep my head down. Not because I stopped caring—because I stopped trusting.

It hurts. Because I want to be here. I believe in the mission. I care about my teammates. But being under someone who says one thing and does another…it’s soul-eroding.

I’ve started updating my résumé again. Just in case. Not because I want to leave—but because I might not survive staying.

And maybe the worst part? I don’t think she even realizes she’s doing it. To Elaine, she’s a progressive, inspirational leader. She posts LinkedIn articles about “authenticity in the workplace.”

But authenticity isn’t performative. It’s consistency.

And right now? Her mirror’s cracked—and the shards are cutting the rest of us.